I sat down to write this post not exactly sure what I wanted to say. I know the sentiments I want to express, I know the views and values I want to make clear, but setting them down is particularly difficult considering how flabbergasted I still am that this is all realy.

I do know what I’m not going to do though. I’m not going to spend anytime going into the many, many reasons why this man and his cabinet are unfit and undeserving of the position, they’ve done that for themselves. I’m not going to spend time trying to change the minds of people who through stupidity and ignorance at best or malice and racial superiority at worst who cast a ballot for this jackass on November 8th. I’m just writing this down for my own sake, to try and come to terms with what they have dragged us into. I have no intention of giving them a platform to justify their actions.

It’s been a hard two months. Of course that’s true for our whole country, and the larger world that watches with either stunned silence or cheering that we’re joining in this global populist movement. I can only speak to my experiences however, and personally I am heartbroken, angry, and afraid.

I think every day of what should have happened on November 8th, of what should be happening tomorrow. I think of the steps we’ve taken forward leading to this point and the giant step back we take this year. I’m heartbroken because so, so many people that I love contributed to this and still feel no sense of shame for the disgusting action that they took in November. I, like many others, was familiar with my families blatant racism, homophobia, and sexism. What I have never in my life seen is someone giving them a platform to bring it into the open, and I’m heartbroken that they failed this test of basic human decency. I’m heartbroken for the ones who genuinely don’t know what they did, and I’m angry at the ones who knew exactly what they did. I’m ashamed of myself for leaving Louisiana and not looking back and seeing the place where I was raised and the people who helped raise me for what they really were. I could have done so much, but I essentially cut off contact and assumed that they would never have the chance or the heart to act on their hateful tendencies, that they wouldn’t be able to stomach the truth of their world view. I was so, so wrong. I cannot even begin to imagine how many other families around the country are just like mine, and I am heartbroken for the people like me who are having illusions of people they loved shattered.

This is going to be a hard period of time. I don’t know how long it will last, but I can only hope that it comes to an early, peaceful end and we get out of this nightmare. Those of us with a shred of human decency are going to have to fight like hell for the people who won’t be able to, because they are already under attack.

This is all so much harder because of the juxtaposition of the last 8 years with the looming sense of danger that is the next 4. Not only was Obama’s presidency a triumph of civil rights, but he led the nation with the class and gravitas that our incoming orange whiny toddler of a sham president will never achieve.

I grew up in a military family living on military bases. Every building on the bases had a wall with a series or photographs of the chain of command, from the lowest rung all the way to the top. I didn’t love seeing Bush up there, but couldn’t deny the legitimacy of his values, his character, and his sacrifice for public service. I was proud to see Obama’s picture replace him. I am so sick to my stomach every time I think of what picture will be hanging there now, of what picture will sit in history books for years to come.

I can’t think of anything left to say that has not already been said to death. I hope to see everyone reading this take action in whatever fashion you can tomorrow and in the coming days until we stop this. Do whatever it takes to fight this disgusting man and the people who gave him his undeserved position. I personal will be marching and protesting in Boston and invite any locals to join me there.

Don’t stop. Don’t forget. This isn’t normal. We can fight this. We will fight this.